Xochimilco, Mexico

When I first arrived in Mexico City, this was one of the most frequently recommended places to visit. “It’s kind of like Mexico’s version of Venice” somebody told me.

After a quick image search I saw that it was lots of colourful boats floating down a river, so that’s what I imagined: a calm, quiet, lazy-river-style experience. It’s not. It’s so much more than that. First of all, it’s not just one river, but a labyrinth of connecting rivers and islands on a lake. And it’s not quiet and calm, oh no. Each boat fits 15 or so people, and a speaker, so you can play music from your phone, and dance. It’s a boat party more than anything else, and it’s amazing. Smaller boats come by selling food and decorations. There’s even Mariachi boats who’ll come and serenade anyone who asks. Other people’s boats pass and greet you and often join in the singing and dancing.

Boats bump into each other which makes everyone laugh, and it’s just a great, lively atmosphere overall. And it’s not just tourists, most of the boats in fact are filled with other Mexican people, often celebrating birthdays or out for a fun family experience. There’s toilet stops along the way, where you can also top up on drinks and snacks.

The islands are occupied by people, sometimes houses, sometimes small allotments and greenhouses. (I should note that there are an enormous number of stray dogs, but they are all generally well fed, either by the residents or the passing visitors.) Depending on how far you go on the boat there is “The Island of Dolls”, an island off the river where a man has put hundreds of toy dolls (now mostly deteriorating and rather creepy) in honour of a girl he found drowned in the lake. Some say it’s haunted and are scared to go near it, others find it really intriguing.

I, like everyone else, would recommend visiting Xochimilco (pronounced sochi-mealco, by the way). It’s a great place to take photos and to hang out with a group, and the local residents rely on the tourism economy. The only thing I would say is to go with a trusted tour provider or with a local who knows the place. It’s about 45 mins away from the actually centre of the city and on your way there people will try to sell you passes or lead you to an entrance where they can charge you a higher fee, it’s a classic tourist trap, but if you’re in the know then you can find another entrance where you just pay the normal cost per head for the renting of the boat.

 

Solo travel.. oh, the places you'll go!

I love travelling. More than almost anything else. The one thing that sets my soul on fire, is travelling. However, fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t always have people who share that feeling, who are able or willing to come with me. Don’t get me wrong, lots of people say they wish they could do what I do. Lots of people say “Tell me next time you’re going somewhere and I’ll come along” but the truth is, they don’t. People have job, family and life commitments. People have bills to pay. People like the idea, but not the reality, of what travelling on a budget entails. So I go alone.

I remember the first time I decided to go alone. I was tired of saying to my (then) boyfriend “I’ve found a great trip we can take” and him ultimately saying no. I was tired of spending my holidays and time off doing nothing. I was saving every penny I made so that I could travel, but I was never getting to spend it.

Ultimately, I didn’t want to be alone. At the time I was suffering pretty badly with anxiety and panic attacks, so the thought of even going to the supermarket alone was terrifying to me. (I’m not exaggerating.) But one day my boyfriend broke it to me that he wasn’t to leave the city we we’re in, and move back home. I still had a year of university left so I knew I had to stay. And the reality hit me, I was going to be alone. That was it. That lit the spark inside me that made me think “If I’m going to be alone anyway I may as well be alone somewhere cool”.

I almost immediately applied for an internship in Japan. I had 3 months off before my final year, and I wasn’t going to waste any more time. I had nothing to lose, I couldn’t afford to stay in our flat alone anyway.

I was lucky enough to get the position at Obubu, and I never looked back. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. From telling my parents I was going half way across the world alone at 21, to getting on my first long-haul flight (as someone who was scared of flying), to landing in a country where I didn’t know anyone or even speak the language. I had countless panic attacks for the 12 weeks I was there, and do you know what? It was one of the best experiences of my life. I met the most amazing people, I learned so much, tried new food, and had so many memorable experiences. But the best part was that by end of it I realised that I was capable of so much more than my anxiety would have had me believe.

Although I went alone, I wasn’t 100% alone on that trip. I had colleagues and roommates, and I made friends, but it still felt extremely daunting at the time. Since then, I continued to travel, sometimes with other people, and sometimes completely by myself. I’ve stopped letting the worry of “I have no-one to go with” hold me back. The truth is, travelling alone is fun! There’s so much freedom in getting to decide where to you, where to stay, what to do and at what time. Eating where you want to eat, and making all the decisions based on what you want rather than having to compromise. I stay in hostels, so there’s always opportunity to meet other travellers if you get lonely, and you’ll often find that they’re on their own too.

Some people might think it’s strange, or dangerous, and obviously you have to keep your wits about you, but ultimately I’ve decided that I’d rather travel alone and have a few people think it’s crazy, than not get to travel at all. If you’ve never done it, I recommend it to everyone. It’ll show you how strong you are, it’ll push you to challenge yourself, and ultimately it makes you comfortable with your own company and I think everyone can benefit from that. At the end of the day, throughout your whole life, the only person who’s guaranteed to always be there is you.

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Berlin, Germany

A few years ago I took a last minute trip to the German capital because the world seemed gloomy and I needed a break. Luckily, I have friends from the city who were able to give me recommendations and Berlin is such a cool place anyway, we were pretty much guaranteed to have a good time.

Without many plans, and two days to kill, we wandered the streets, turning down any alley that took our fancy. We walked pretty much the full length of city, seeing old and new, east and west, and we loved every minute of it. 

Favorites: architecture, greenery, street art, quirky restaurants and cafes, the fact that people took their dogs into shops and let me pet them.

Least favorites: cold cold cold (-6 to be exact, although we did go in mid November so what can you expect), basically nowhere opens before 11 so don't bother getting up early, and we weren't able to get a direct flight, but I guess that's not Berlin's fault.  

It was the first place we've ever visited that my ex boyfriend agreed he'd actually like to live there. It was so pretty that I got caught up and forgot to take photos. My friend insists that the weather is better in the summer, so hopefully I'll be back to see it again. 

A story about fear, for the new year

Happy New Year everyone. This is a post I've wanted to share on here in the past but never got round to writing. Then, a girl on a Facebook group that I'm part of posted something about being scared to travel because of the state of the world, worrying about nuclear war and terrorist attacks. So I shared this story with her, so I thought I should share it here now too.  

For my 21st birthday, I saved up money to take me and my mum on a weekend away. We're both extremely anxious people but I wanted a holiday so we picked somewhere we thought was very safe, Paris. We researched the safest district in the city, we planned everything down to the letter to avoid us getting mugged or lost or anything else. I picked seats on the flight that were my lucky numbers, we specifically picked a place that was only an hour away (i'm a nervous flyer) and we were all set to go.

It was January 2015, we had booked a hotel on Boulevard Voltaire. We ended up right in the middle of where the Charlie Hebdo attacks took place. When our plane was due to land, our pilot told us we'd have to circle in the air for a while, as there was an 'incident'. When we landed we were terrified. We had booked a shared taxi and we had to wait for so long for the taxi man to pick up and drop off all the other taxi users. We didn't understand why we we're being kept till last. We didn't realise it was because the street our hotel was on had been shut because there were armed men on the run in the area. The taxi man, who I'm sure was just as scared as us, and kept getting worried calls from his wife, drove us up and down different streets for over an hour until he found a way to get us safely to our hotel. I was blown away by his kindness and how determined he was to get us there safely. We hugged him tight when we finally arrived and hoped he made it home safely too. We checked into our hotel and was told there was no food or drinks available as the staff had been sent home. That first night, while the manhunt continued outside, we stayed locked in our room and constantly checked for updates on the news. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, but my mum, being the amazing woman she is, didn't want it to ruin my birthday. The next day, after a pretty sleepless night, she forced us to go out to all the landmarks and enjoy the city, even though all I wanted to do was go home, or stay inside. When we first got up for breakfast, the lovely lady at the front desk was just beginning her shift, we asked her if we should go out. She said "We must continue living our lives as normal or they win."  She was wonderful, so kind, and made us feel safer. Every second we spent outside I shook with fear. I was constantly scanning the area for threats, but my mum made us carry on. Long story short, obviously, we survived. 

On the Sunday the city had arranged a march to take place on our street. I was on high alert. I immediately pictured all the terrible things that could happen, in a big crowd, right outside our hotel, when there was still threat of terror activities. So we agreed to stay inside and watch from the window rather than take part. But seeing all those people of different backgrounds, ages, languages, and religions come together - it's something I'll never forget. 

My point is, you never know what is going to happen when and where. Nowhere is dangerous, and nowhere is safe. It's natural to be anxious, when so much of the news is filled with doom and gloom. The last few months have been a real challenge for me, mental health wise. The short, dark days, and gloomy weather; the expectations of the holiday seasons; financial worries; world news; work, family, relationships; and a mind that is already predisposed to rumination - it's a recipe for disaster. But as we enter this new year, I've been reflecting a lot, and I realise how pointless it is to live in fear. As someone who has been agoraphobic for large chunks of my adult life I can tell you, staying inside being anxious is no better than being outside where you might be equally terrified, but afterwards you realise that there's nothing to be scared of. Believe me, I know that it's easier said than done. 

New Years Eve was a perfect example of this. My boyfriend and his friends were at the pub, but I was too anxious to go. What if I got anxious in front of everyone? What if I cried? What if I had a panic attack? What if I couldn't cope? I'm going to go crazy! I'm going to die! I didn't end up leaving the house until 11:30pm, but only because I knew if I didn't leave then I wouldn't get to bring in the bells with my boyfriend. I went, and guess what, I was absolutely fine. The next day there was due to be a party again, and I worked myself up into a panic attack because I had a headache and a bit of vertigo earlier in the day (which my anxiety convinced me meant that there was obviously something seriously wrong with me and death was imminent) so I ended up not going. It's a day-at-a-time sort of thing.

It doesn't take away my anxiety about leaving the house, or fear of travelling, or of anything. I know I just have to force myself to do it, to try to enjoy myself, because only by doing it do I realise that things rarely go as badly as I imagine, and there's usually nothing to be scared of.

Anxiety doesn't change or solve anything, worrying about something has never made the problem go away. Through mindfulness and CBT, I'm learning things I can tell myself to help me cope when fear and anxiety start to overwhelm me. At the end of the day, and as I enter a new year I have to remind myself that I want to live a full life and have exciting adventures then I just have to do things in spite of my anxiety.

BEHIND THE SCENES