Labour and delivery

I gave birth to my baby in June 2022. I did so much research, and a hypnobirthing course to prepare, with the goal of having an unmedicated physiological unassisted vaginal delivery. Things didn’t exactly go according to plan, lets just put it that way. Here’s a video of the labour and delivery..

My takeaways..

1. Early labour lasted 4 days

2. Active labour was faster and easier than I expected

3. Delivery became very scary very quickly

4. I didn’t get the golden hour postpartum experience I wanted, and I’m sure I’ll always grieve that. But me and my baby are alive and healthy and I’m very thankful for that.

Pregnancy Q&A

Getting used to my changing body.

Man, I’m struggling with this new body. I waited so long so see a bump and then woke up one day (around week 20) like “bam, here it is”. Now I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like I can’t get a good picture and I feel so insecure getting my photo taken because no matter how I pose or what I do, I don’t think it looks like me, it just doesn’t look right to me. I feel like I’m in someone else’s body, it’s so strange. Emmanuel LOVES my new big tummy, he thinks it’s so beautiful and sexy, which is really nice and definitely helps with the insecurity. I love knowing that I’m creating a safe comfortable space for my baby to live and grow, and I love seeing my tummy move when the baby kicks, but in photos and in the mirror, it all feels so alien.

Not to mention, physically it’s uncomfortable, my boobs are heavy, my tummy is heavy, my back hurts. It’s taking so much more effort to be able to even get out a chair, or move around, or go on a walk. I don’t have any stretch marks yet but I have big blue veins all over my boobs, and spots breaking out all over my face and body. I knew all these things were going to happen, the doctor and the apps and your family warn you about it, but it’s different when it actually happens and you look down and you don’t recognise yourself anymore.

I didn’t even realise how much of my identity was wrapped up in how I look until now. I keep just trying to remind myself that 1. it’s temporary, and after I give birth my body will change again and I’ll have new things to get used to. and 2. everything that is happening is happening because this is what my body needs to do to care for the baby and prepare for their arrival. It’s not really about me anymore, at least not right now, and so as long as everything keeps going as it’s supposed to, then I want to try to see it in as positive a light as possible. Although, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with struggling or mourning your old self as you enter a new life stage, so I’m trying to be kind to myself in that aspect too.

You can see my bump and me talking a little more about my body in our latest vlog.

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Older posts..

2021-2022 Catch-Up

So that’s it. The cat is out the bag, the beans are spilled. I’m pregnant. Maybe some of my previous posts gave it away already, but because of the rocky start and unbelievable level of sickness I had, I wanted to wait as long as I could before I made the official announcement. And now, here we are, more than half-way through the pregnancy. My stomach is too big to be able to hide anymore, and I’m finally feeling well enough to handle whatever reactions come our way. I spent the first 4 months complaining non-stop, but now I really want to try to savour and enjoy the rest of the experience, because it’s a special time which is passing so quickly (now that I’ve stopped having morning sickness) and I know it’s something I may never do again.