We’re still social distancing and self isolating as much as possible, however, we found a local mini-golf place and decided to have a little day out…
At home haircut! /
I held off as long as I could but sooner or later it was bound to happen. I was getting cabin fever and fancied a change so I convinced my partner to cut my hair for the first time and give me an infamous quarantine chop.
My first professional lingerie shoot. /
So, I was recently contacted by a local Mexico City photographer for a boudoir, lingerie style shoot. It’s always a little nerve-wracking to do a shoot, never mind in your underwear. And in these COVID times, I was a little apprehensive about doing any shoots at all. However, the photographer was great and put my mind at ease completely. Firstly, he specialises in these types of shoots and has photographed hundreds of women so he made sure everything was set up to that I felt safe, comfortable, and had privacy for changing etc. Secondly, we maintained social distancing the whole time, and wore masks (I took mine when the photos were being taken obviously). In the beginning, I was self-conscious, worrying about how my body would look, as pretty much all my imperfections would be on show. It took me a few minutes to warm up and relax but I quickly forgot about everything and just had fun. I’m so excited with how the photos turned out, and pretty proud of myself for stepping out my comfort zone and trying something new.
Let's talk about nudity /
Despite what you may see in my “self-portrait series” on this blog, or my Instagram page, I’ve not always been comfortable with nudity or confident about my body. I know some people will think “that’s crazy, you have a great figure” but it’s inevitable at some points in everyone’s lives to feel insecure, there’s always bits and pieces we focus on and scrutinize that others may not even see. Also, in general, society always seems to relate nudity to sex and perversion. The words I hear in my head are “inappropriate” “unprofessional” “sinful” “vulgar” “dirty” “slut”. Not to mention the fact that Mexico is a religious and conservative country, most people are not very accepting of women showing skin, at least not publicly, even for art. Getting over that has been a long and challenging process.
In fact, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have a little shame around the subject. However, there’s always been a part of me that wants and loves to take photos of myself and I’m excited to explore that more. Artistic nude photography has interested me for a long time, both as a photographer and a model. I follow so many Instagram pages that post the most beautiful images, not to mention my Pinterest boards etc. I love the female form in all it’s beautiful shapes and sizes. In the last year or so I’ve become more and more comfortable being naked, partially because I live in a very hot country now so wearing lots of layers isn’t really ideal, especially in the summer, but also due to the fact that I’m doing more modelling. I’m looking at my body in a new way, from outside myself, as a piece of art, able to be dressed and decorated and posed in a million different ways.
I always support others using their body for art, and I want to extend that same grace to myself. I try not to let the judgement and opinions of others dictate how I live my life, but it’s hard. I don’t want to hurt or offend anyone, especially not those that I love. I don’t want to get a bad reputation. I don’t want to set a bad example for my niece and little cousins, I don’t want to teach anyone that they’re worth is tied to their looks or you have to show skin or be sexy to be successful as a woman. Equally, I don’t want to perpetuate the idea that nudity is shameful or to have to deny the part of myself that wants to express my art in this way. I want to feel free to make whatever art or take whatever photos I want. I want to celebrate my body as it is now and how it will change with time.
At this point, I don’t entirely know how to feel about it, or what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll be struggling with this battle forever, trying to find a balance.
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